ALEX: So, as a man, what did you think of the museum?
JEFF: It was impressive. They do a bang-up job there. All those penises coming at you out of the walls and up from the floor. More than 280 specimens from 93 species, if you believe their claims. I’d never thought about the wide-ranging variety of copulatory organs you could find in nature if you went looking for them.
JEFF: You would think of the more practical aspects. Speaking of which, I noticed that most people in the museum seemed to be women. And they seemed to be having a really good time. There was lots of cackling and giggling going on. I wonder what’s so funny?
ALEX: There was also the Icelandic specimen, which is the only real human penis the museum actually has. They got it last year, when the 95-year-old guy they had been waiting for finally died. So of course it looks a little wrinkly and gray.
JEFF: That’s just due to the ravages of time. That and maybe the formaldehyde. You have to remember, though, that even in one particular country no two penises are alike. So you can’t judge based on that poor bastard’s knob, or what’s left of it.
ALEX: Yeah [dreamily]. You can see the variety in the collection of silver penises cast from the Icelandic handball team, which won the silver medal at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. That’s a lotta penises all in one place. And all the players are very different in length, width, shape and all that.
Alex Witze and Jeff Kanipe. The last word on nothing. TGIPF, Iceland's Phallological Museum.